After 30 years, it’s over! All the girls will tell you: at this age, the men you meet are either gay or accompanied. “When you’re an independent girl with a good job, finding a good guy who wants to live a story is as difficult as finding an Isabel Marant sweater on sale,” said Sophie, 38 y.o.. Work evenings, registration on dating apps, dinners in town… nothing helps, they remain single. Why such female solitude? Far from being the consequence of individual behavior or a complicated personality, the contemporary feminine “overelibacy” can be explained. Here’s how.
Solo life is a new social standard
According to recent research 38.8% of Britain people lived alone in 2012 from an administrative point of view , or 20 million people. 8 million of them were in a relationship, leaving around 12 million singles. There have never been so many. More and more men are not living as a couple by choice or by constraint. 10% of those born between 1961 and 1965 have never experienced cohabitation (twice as many as their parents). A tendency towards celibacy is explained by the fact that “the social pressure which pushes to marry or to create a family is slackening”. Suddenly, men seek less and less to bond sentimentally.
Success often rhymes with celibacy
The more a woman graduates, the more likely she is to be left alone. Professor at ESCP, Elisabeth Tissier-Desbordes points to the difference between male and female celibacy. “Basically, between the ages of 30 and 50, the majority of single women belong to the higher categories, while single men tend to be workers or employees. Why ? “Because, traditionally, the social marital mobility of women is greater than that of men. While there are few at the top of the social ladder to bond with a less well-off man. A couple made up of a highly educated woman and a man with a baccalaureate level remains a transgression.
Feminism weakens men
While it is true that parity has not been fully acquired (the political world and businesses remaining largely dominated by men), society has continued to feminize since the 1970s. Certain fields such as health, education , justice, culture have become predominantly female. “How do you manage to be a man? Is a question that often comes up on the shrink couch. With this paradox: the more society seems to liberate individuals via a less rigid and less caricatured masculinity, the more anxiety rises. Before, when he came within the framework, a man was guaranteed to be a man. He didn’t question himself, he knew he had to be “the bastard in civilization”, the one who feeds his family and protects them in times of conflict. Everything changed. A woman can do without a man, even to conceive a child. This revolution influences our psyche, assure the shrinks. While waiting for a new love mythology to be invented, the modern man, a confused metrosexual that Romain Duris personifies in the well-known movie “Chinese Puzzle”, no longer understands what a woman expects from him. He sees himself as useless, incidental, devalued. Paralyzed with anguish, he brakes with all four irons in the face of the encounter. “Nowadays, we pretend that we don’t expect anything from each other and yet, as soon as you are in a relationship, you are constantly tested,” says Simon, 40 y.o.
The Internet… The Internet… The Internet…
Today, both men and women have extreme demands. Dating sites, for example Tucson dating, maintain the illusion that another ideal awaits us, another that will perfectly match our desires. These romantic dreams explode on contact with reality. Another problem, stereotypes have changed less than men. On the one hand, there is the cliché of the muscular, virile, strong man; on the other, androgynous, neutralized men. If women demand that their companion shares the household chores with them, they wait for the romantic encounter to pick them up, excite them, exalt them. However, the Internet helps a lot Tucson single women and other singles to find their pair and often to be successful in their private life. That means that even if the Internet could be seen as a strange tool to meet someone… it works! All you need is to try dating websites or dating apps and discover how it works!
Commitment scars men and women
The couple, synonymous with negotiation, adaptation, conciliation, contradicts our sacrosanct aspirations for individual freedom. Among those in their thirties, the norm seems to be: we have fun together, we get along well, but, as soon as we are intimate, we lose our means. A paralyzing apprehension which leads more and more men to consult for sexual problems. Breakdowns and anxieties that reflect doubts, self-esteem problems, infantile impulses according to the psychologist, who specifies that “there is no longer a social perspective on the couple.
So, is celibacy a fatality?
No, everyone and especially everyone can always have the meeting they dream of. How? ‘Or’ What ? First, perhaps, by accepting to let go and making room for chance. Love is not defined as a product, you don’t choose a man like jeans! Giving yourself a chance to meet a good companion, rather than the right one, is already good. Opening up to others without judging them by the color of their socks or their average humor is better. Take off from your screen to browse the world, let life decide, accept the rhythm of the other, listen to them sincerely, do not settle old scores … so many avenues that seem obvious but which are more and more far from our daily behavior.
Just remember: there is no age to fall in love! All you need: understand what you really want, describe your personal aims and search for a partner who would share it with you! Only in this case, we can say that the celibacy is good as well as a mature relationship.